The Big Four-Oh!
By Gooch | January 9, 2019
When I turned 30, if someone had told me that my 30s would be harder than my 20s, I would have listened but shrugged it off.
As they say: hindsight is 20/20.
I came into 30 pretty good, but nervous. I already knew I would be leaving the old house. Outside of that everything was mostly good. The next decade has brought some good, a good deal of bad, and some ultimately life-changing events.
My 30s have given me: living on my own, a Yankees World Series Championship, breakups, road trips, obliviousness, a goddaughter, screw-ups, finding new friends, finding new interests, unemployment, finding love, a kickass cruise, flying for the first time in years, unexpected loss, hasty decisions, a mid-life crisis, friendships lost, a surprise eviction, and a surprise breakup. (I’m sure I’m missing things).
One major issue that I had to learn to take care of was my mental health. I didn’t know what a toll unemployment would take on me. And while getting a job helped in that regard, it wasn’t until a few years later, that a mid-life crisis popped up and led to major issues. It took prodding and even an ultimatum to lead me back into taking care of it. Along the way, it led to the disappearance of an almost lifetime’s worth of held in anger at my father.
Did I have regrets? Absolutely. I regret not opening my mouth and asking for help from a certain someone. Instead I cocooned myself and lost something good. I regret a hasty decision that may have brought on one of the two major down periods in my life. I regret not opening my mouth (again) about said hasty decision. I regret not being a good friend, not communicating and losing a friendship. I’m working on being a better friend and am lucky that the friendship I lost is being rebuilt.
I thank all of you, whether you’re family and have been around for ages, my peoples who have been with me since high school and college, or the recent additions to my life. You have all made my life worth it.
I come into 40 wiser than I was at 30, which is to be expected. I don’t know what to expect of the next 10 years, but I’m looking forward to them.
Topics: Christine, DB/CNR/Mercy, Driving, Family, Friends, Home, Jersey Crew, Jo, Love, Mom, NRC, NYC, Pfizer/CompuCom, Roads, Sports, Stacy, Terence, Trips, Work, Yankees | No Comments »
This is a Test
By Gooch | March 26, 2018
Testing out my Twitter plugin.
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
2017: Gooch Year 38–The Lost Year
By Gooch | January 9, 2018
I haven’t written one of these birthday wrap-ups in a couple of years. Here’s the summary of those missed years.:
36 (2015): Happy to have a job, met someone who I seriously fell in love with, moved her in to my apartment, Bermuda cruise, she moved back home and that sucked a lot.
37 (2016): New car, Pops passing away, first flight in 15 years to see that special someone and reconnecting, mom might move, making a huge decision to leave NYC and being scared out of my head.
So now we come to 2017…the lost year. Why do I call it that? To some extent, I was lost. I woke up on this day last year, my age hit me and I started worrying about everything I was doing in my life. I had my mid-life crisis, got lost in it and in the process, lost not only an important relationship, but more importantly a friendship. On top of that, I started getting anxious about what was going to take me out, given my paternal family history, along with losing an uncle (mom’s brother). It has only been the past couple of months that I have finally gotten comfortable with my age and where I am in life.
Not all of the year was bad. As always there was my Yankee fandom, which took me to Pittsburgh for an April weekend. The games were good (even though we only went 1-2), but surprisingly it was the PNC Park season ticket holders and the usher for that section I was in that made that weekend a big success. I rolled over to a CNR employee. I also lost 60 lbs. over the course of the year and feel much better. I met some new old friends (shout out to the Gothamist Commentariat).
So what does the last year of my 30s hold? I’m hoping to get some more road trips in. The possible list of Yankee away games has been already tabulated. Maybe I’ll actually get to Canada.
I got a damn good piece of advice New Year’s Eve (thanks Luis) that I’m taking to heart: I may not be as young as I feel, but I’m still young and there’s plenty ahead.
Topics: Christine, DB/CNR/Mercy, Driving, Family, Friends, Health, Home, Love, Mom, No FB, No Tweet, NYC, Roads, Sports, Terence, Work, Yankees | No Comments »
Protected: 525,600 Minutes
By Gooch | July 7, 2017
Topics: Christine, Family, Home, Love, Mom, No FB, No Tweet, NYC, Terence | Enter your password to view comments.
16 Weeks
By Gooch | February 27, 2015
I was sitting at work, playing around with an iMac and I went looking at how many weeks I’ve been at this job. 16 weeks. Didn’t realize it was that much. I know I’ve already said that I’ve really enjoyed this job, but for some reason knowing how long and everything just made me quite content. I looked back at the emails that came in the first month and change and I think “Wow, all the stuff I didn’t know back then.” I know there’s more to learn about the environment here, but I’ve grasped so much already in a relatively short span.
Topics: DB/CNR/Mercy, No Tweet, Work | No Comments »
2014: Gooch Year 35 – ???
By Gooch | February 2, 2015
I know this is late going up. Most of this was written before my birthday.
I don’t know what to call 35/2014. It started out with me in probably what has been the worst mental state in my life to date. It ended with me being quite happy and feeling like I can really get back to being myself. I know I’ve used that phrase “getting back to myself†before, but after the lows I felt at the beginning of 2014 (and even a couple of months before that), this really feels like I’m getting back to myself.
I know what I did do this year was a lot of learning. Learning that I’m not as strong as I thought I was, but on the flip side, strong enough to know when to get help. Learning that sometimes one little thing can change the course of life. Learning that sometimes the small steps do help lead to what you want.
So the big deal this year: I FINALLY got back to work in November. I’m quite happy at this job. I’m finally doing what I love to do. It was a very interesting and sometimes frustrating process for this job, but in the end it was all worth it. I also recognize that it was built upon the 2 projects I did during the summer. Those projects put me back into a working state of mind and I learned a lot from them. The Mamaroneck School District one in particular was one of the best working experiences I’ve had.
What does 36 look like for me? It looks bright. Now that I’m back at work, I’m getting things back in order and now I’ll be able to move forward.
Topics: DB/CNR/Mercy, Jo, No FB, No Tweet, NRC, Stacy, Work | No Comments »
2013: Gooch Year 34 – A Slide Into the Abyss
By Gooch | January 11, 2014
I wish I could say that I’m heading into 35 in a positive direction. Unfortunately, I’m ending 34 in probably my worse mental state ever. Yes it mostly has to do with my continuing unemployment. I had lots of enthusiasm heading into 34, feeling as if something would be heading my way at some point this past year. February looked good with 3 interviews in one week. One of them looked really promising…until the company decides that they want the position based out of the Midwest, only to see the same position be posted again in this neck of the woods. There have been plenty of phone interviews, which have led to a fair number of actual interviews. However, nothing came out of them. The final drop off the cliff came at the end of October when I interviewed for a position that would have started pretty much right away. I had a pretty good feeling about this interview (I know interviews are not my strong suit, but I like to think I’ve been getting better at them). When I got the rejection email late on a Thursday night, I hit a funk that I haven’t previously known.
That funk has not let go of its hold on me. Actually, I should just call it what it is: I’m depressed. Now most everyone who knows me knows that I tend to be “happy-go-lucky”. Yes I’ve had my times where things have bothered me or things have made me angry, but it’s never been anything that has messed around with my overall mood. This time has been completely different. I’ve shut down worse than I have at any point. I have tried to fight it by going out and I look ok, but it’s only a facade. I like to say my brain is always working, well it’s still working, but now it’s just keeping the depression going. Some days I feel like maybe that day will be ok and then the next day it’s right back in the hole. There have honestly been only 2 days since the end of October where I was genuinely happy: the day after Thanksgiving and the Sunday before Christmas (and those are thanks to one little lady). I know I’m not right in the head. I had another promising interview a week before Thanksgiving and even got a second interview (which had me all excited) 2 days before Thanksgiving. I really wanted the position. Well I think you know how that turned out.
Am I keeping my head above water? Barely. My folks (and yes that includes my father, which I’m sure will surprise people) have at least kept me afloat financially when it comes to my apartment, which I’m not a big fan of. I’d much rather just be able to take care of myself. I don’t know what 35 holds for me, but hopefully at some point I’d really like to get myself out of this depression and get back to being myself.
Topics: No Tweet, NRC, Work | No Comments »
2012: Gooch Year 33 – Trying Times
By Gooch | January 10, 2013
2012. What can I say about it? Well, there were ups and downs as with any year, but it seems like there were more downs. I lost my only grandfather after Thanksgiving. Also learned that mom is diabetic, just like my father, so now I definitely have to watch for it
The big lowlight of this year: getting laid off in June. The program I had been working under had its budget frozen, which meant that the team I was on went goodbye. At first, I was optimistic that it wouldn’t be a long time that I would be unemployed, but alas, I’m still unemployed as of now. Frustrating to say the least and has knocked me down a bit in terms of my mood, but I’m trying to keep myself upbeat.
In terms of my love life, yes, I found someone early on and thought it would work, but alas it didn’t and there was a mutual breakup (at least I think it was). I thought we would at least be friends, since she’s a cool person, but that was not meant to be ultimately. I honestly don’t know why and it bugs me to high heaven, but I will move on from it and I know there is no ill will on my part at all. I just hope that she continues to be happy.
Which brings me to the woman I have now. Someone who I’ve known as a friend for a few years. I finally decided to give it a chance (only after she had to come out and say it since I missed so many clues over the years). So far it’s been a great ride with one major hiccup (it didn’t really affect us, just people around us). I’d say the future is bright.
At the end of the day, I’m still here and kicking. 34 is off to an ok start. My mind is in a much better state than it was even just a couple of weeks ago. All that needs to be done is find a job and things will be much better.
Topics: Family, Jen, Love, Mom, No Tweet, Pfizer/CompuCom, Stacy, Work | No Comments »
2011: Gooch Year 32 – Getting Back To Myself
By Gooch | January 10, 2012
2011 was what I would call a transition year. I started getting back to myself. I started taking doing things that I like to do. I started worrying about me. It was the year where, by the end, I figured out that I will probably be alone for a while, and maybe even the rest of my life, and that’s ok. Am I still looking? Of course! However, I’d much rather find someone who’s mostly compatible with me than settle for close enough. Someone needs to knock my socks off. Yes that involves changing some of my behaviors (I got a good sign of that in April). As a good friend said to me very recently, it’s all in the “presentationâ€. In the end, I know there is someone out there for me.
Highlights of the year:
February: My goddaughter Natalie being born (THE highlight of the year!)
March: LunaCon and My brother’s 30th birthday
April: Degenerate trip to Atlantic City and getting my BlackBerry PlayBook
June: Road trip to Pittsburgh and almost Chicago (half highlight/half lowlight)
August: Yankees-Red Sox at Fenway and the Hurricane Irene Orioles doubleheader with my brother in Baltimore
September: The Big 4!!!!! (Went for Metallica, found Anthrax and Megadeth)
November: Thanksgiving weekend (especially the time spent with Russ and family)
What do I hope 33 holds for me? Well honestly, who knows? Well ok there are some things that are planned. I’m planning another Yankee road trip in August. There’s LunaCon in March as always. My cousin graduates college in May. Other than that, I’m just going to go with the flow. It’s about me and the people who love me.
Topics: Electronics, Family, Friends, Jersey Crew, LJ, Love, Music, No Tweet, NRC, Sports, Terence, Trips, Yankees | No Comments »
Birthday Weekend
By Gooch | January 11, 2011
Somehow, I got to have a nice long birthday weekend. It started Thursday night, when a good friend of mine took me out for sushi last minute. Friday, was another last minute dinner date with a friend that I hadn’t seen in a while. Saturday was dinner with Mom (Outback has a very nice ribeye now that was very very tasty).
Sunday was out to jersey with Russ and the Jersey Crew. It just so happened to be Andi’s baby shower for my soon to be here goddaughter. I had a nice gift basket for her, but with the logistics, it didn’t get to the shower. We met the boys at the shower and then went to lunch at the Mohawk House. This place is quite nice. Very nice ambiance and the food is really good. The company and conversation was even better. We then went back to the shower after it wrapped up and loaded 2 cars up with all the gifts. Back at Russ’s house we brought in the gifts and then I presented mine, which was quite well received (which made me quite happy). I then put together the stroller and this cool swing they got which all goes together.
Monday, I decided to play it cool at home (with a nap thrown in).
So far, 32 is off to a great start. Here’s hoping it keeps going.
Topics: Friends, Jersey Crew, LJ, Mom | No Comments »