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2013: Gooch Year 34 – A Slide Into the Abyss
By Gooch | January 11, 2014
I wish I could say that I’m heading into 35 in a positive direction. Unfortunately, I’m ending 34 in probably my worse mental state ever. Yes it mostly has to do with my continuing unemployment. I had lots of enthusiasm heading into 34, feeling as if something would be heading my way at some point this past year. February looked good with 3 interviews in one week. One of them looked really promising…until the company decides that they want the position based out of the Midwest, only to see the same position be posted again in this neck of the woods. There have been plenty of phone interviews, which have led to a fair number of actual interviews. However, nothing came out of them. The final drop off the cliff came at the end of October when I interviewed for a position that would have started pretty much right away. I had a pretty good feeling about this interview (I know interviews are not my strong suit, but I like to think I’ve been getting better at them). When I got the rejection email late on a Thursday night, I hit a funk that I haven’t previously known.
That funk has not let go of its hold on me. Actually, I should just call it what it is: I’m depressed. Now most everyone who knows me knows that I tend to be “happy-go-lucky”. Yes I’ve had my times where things have bothered me or things have made me angry, but it’s never been anything that has messed around with my overall mood. This time has been completely different. I’ve shut down worse than I have at any point. I have tried to fight it by going out and I look ok, but it’s only a facade. I like to say my brain is always working, well it’s still working, but now it’s just keeping the depression going. Some days I feel like maybe that day will be ok and then the next day it’s right back in the hole. There have honestly been only 2 days since the end of October where I was genuinely happy: the day after Thanksgiving and the Sunday before Christmas (and those are thanks to one little lady). I know I’m not right in the head. I had another promising interview a week before Thanksgiving and even got a second interview (which had me all excited) 2 days before Thanksgiving. I really wanted the position. Well I think you know how that turned out.
Am I keeping my head above water? Barely. My folks (and yes that includes my father, which I’m sure will surprise people) have at least kept me afloat financially when it comes to my apartment, which I’m not a big fan of. I’d much rather just be able to take care of myself. I don’t know what 35 holds for me, but hopefully at some point I’d really like to get myself out of this depression and get back to being myself.
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